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For me, I Must Be Sure represents the culmination of my studies in music composition throughout my time at Grinnell, marking my first serious excursion into writing a piece for orchestra. I had written works for smaller chamber ensembles before, but I was initially overwhelmed by the sheer size of the orchestra. Because of the massive scope of the project, I struggled with writer’s block, not knowing how to best dive into composing for the GSO. Many different ideas came and went, but nothing quite seemed to work. Eventually, I stumbled upon the Beatles song, If I Fell, which was one of my favorites as a kid. As I listened to the song, I was very moved by its themes of struggle and indecision—themes that applied to my current struggle with my orchestra piece. To me, If I Fell explores the difficulty of making a decision, not quite knowing what the implications of that decision may be. Compositions are written by making a thousand little (but always important) decisions—which note, which harmony, which rhythm, which instrument—these and countless other elements have to be chosen in order to write a composition. Since I related so strongly to these themes, I decided to use melodic fragments from the original Beatles song as a framework for my own piece. In many ways, I Must Be Sure (a line from the Beatles song), is a retelling of If I Fell, except that, rather than detailing the struggles with a romantic relationship, my work looks into the struggles with creating a piece of music. This idea is evident in the accelerating rhythms and complex textures in the piece. Towards the end, there is some notion of triumph over this struggle, a sense of overcoming; but, in the piece’s final section, with the rising melodic motif, the narrative seems to question itself again, perhaps admitting that nothing is ever truly certain, and that the struggle with decision/indecision, especially within a creative context, is a fundamental part of the artistic process. |
